I Am Engulfed in Flames

Was the title of this article.

This article has been heavily edited by the new guard at Orato and in no way represents the original intent of its author:

The smell of smoke slowly seeped into the dry air of the Santana (or Santa Ana) winds as the flames drew nearer. A thick cloud of smoke was beginning to cover Pine Avenue rained ash onto us, leaving dregs of soot in the lungs of the locals. As quickly as the ash came, so too was it blown away by the winds. A state of emergency had been called. Fires had begun northwest in Orange County and just north in Angeles. Power plant strikes could cause mass blackouts across LA.

This scene was followed by breaking news that a man had attempted to start a fire on the side of the road in Malibu. A man in the neighborhood found him throwing leaves, paper, and matches into brush. When he ran out of his house and stomped out the small fire, officers quickly came and arrested the culprit. Some fires are now under control and people are starting to return to their homes.

A few hundred mobile homes burned in the Tea Fires and Christopher Lloyd lost his house in Montecito. Long Beach is as yet untouched, but all it takes is one dry leaf and the Santana winds to bring it all down, or just some nut on the side of the highway.

Here is a bit the original piece, before the horrific editing job:

If I am Engulfed in Flames

By Todd Williams

A few weeks ago David Sedaris stopped by Long Beach to talk about life, writing, and a bit about his work When You Are Engulfed in Flames. It was a great speech, and now we are close to a factual and physical translation of the title. Unfortunately, it is not an instruction manual, unless you are like me and will happily go about another glass of wine while your city is literally trapped in a wall of fire.

The weekend started off like any other, we went to a local tapas bar, enjoyed some banter, listened to some music, and I drank too much. In fact, I did not heed the warning of a bartender who told me that the sangratini held three shots of Absolut in addition to the wine. Delicious. I noticed on the walk home that the sky had become a little hazy and the streets were a bit clear for a Friday night in Long Beach, my first thought was that I had lost my vision and that a zombie invasion had finally happened; however, I failed to notice the smell of smoke slowly seeping into the dry air of Santana winds so popularized in song. It was not until the morning that this occurred.

I woke up Saturday to the sound of "it's eleven-fifteen AM, I knew we'd do this." It was my lady friend informing me that we had overslept the start time of a protest against Prop 8 at city hall, so, as it goes, I stood up out of bed and fumbled my way into the shower, starting it up in my hazy state while forgetting that the water heater was fixed and burning myself. Five minutes later I did a half-assed job of drying off and put clothes on to absorb the rest of the moisture before finding my sunglasses and beginning the long half-mile to city hall.