Day After The Verdict

Yesterday my nerves were shot with a thousand things going through my head. I felt a little uncomfortable yesterday and a bit alone. I had to hold onto my emotions because I didn’t feel like standing there blubbering my head off while I was standing there alone.

I am a little more settled today, now that some of the commotion is over. Yesterday, my nerves were shot with a thousand things going through my head.

Media and those I was socializing with during the trial were rushing around doing their jobs and my colleague Trisha Baptie was running around getting interviewed.

I did take the time away from the chaos to do a smudge and prayer for the women we lost. In our culture, women are sacred and the men treat us with respect because we bring life into the world and raise the babies.

So to have lost these women was a great loss not only for society, but for their children and their mothers. It was relaxing singing the warrior song that I learned through a warrior ceremony I’d gone through when dealing with my addictions. It’s meant to make us strong or give us strength and the wisdom.

Instead of being on the front page of the media, so to say, I was being asked by media for assistance as to who was who and what’s what et cetera. I felt like a part of the media team at times.

I’m still quite emotional for the loss of these lives that were stolen, and I’m glad that Pickton received at least a sentence for second degree murder. I’m glad he won't be part of society for a long time, if ever again. I really wish that Dinah Taylor, Lynn Ellingsen, Pat Casanova and Dave Pickton wouldl pay for what i believe to be their part in this. Until then, I’m not sure if I can say this is finished.

I was sad to see that Brenda Wolfe’s family wasn’t there. I sent my prayer off for her so that she may rest now. The pain is over for her and the others. They will never be forgotten.

I looked at these girls once as fellow street sisters and today I look at them as daddy’s little girl, sister, mother, daughter. Theirs was a life that fell through the cracks of society and now it’s too late. It’s a hard life to get out of once you’re in it.

I went to P.A.C.E. (Prostitution Alternatives Counseling and Education), prostitutes anonymous, A.A., N.A., and Hey-way-noque to help me beat the hell I was living in. I always went back though.

No one would think that prostitution is one of the hardest addictions to break. I know that might sound ridiculous, but it falls in the same category as alcohol and drugs. It’s an addiction and feeds on your character defects such as control issues, greed, wanting to be wanted…

When we worked the street, I think we all fantasized on being rescued by a prince charming, which I finally was. I was fortunate that I found my prince charming and he rescued me from my pimp “ex-husband.”

I’m so grateful that the Creator put him in my path. My kids are grateful that I am still alive to talk about my past life and not be ashamed of it anymore. They too have learned from my experience and are glad I never got into the vehicle with Lynn Ellingsen and Robert Pickton.

They’re grateful that their dad put enough fear into me that I stayed in my jurisdiction. This is not over yet for me. I still have friends in the next 20 women. Sarah deVries, a sister I knew since she was still a baby herself, Jackie Murdock, a friend I told to go home because she didn’t belong here.

I was talking to her as a veteran of the streets and she couldn’t see that. Now they ,too, are gone and won’t feel anymore pain or sadness. It’s not fair to Sarah’s kids though. I know what it’s like to be without a mother.

My mother died of addiction. I swore to myself that I wouldn’t be like her and that’s why my life has changed. My mother didn’t live past 35 years. I feel angry at her, but if she didn’t give up on us then I wouldn’t have been adopted by the mother I grew up with. Rest her soul too.

May the Great Spirit be with you all.