California Gay Marriage Law

Recognizing Homosexuals as Full Citizens

We are thrilled that the California Supreme Court has held that it is unconstitutional to deny same-sex couples access to a civil marriage license.

What’s really beautiful about the California Supreme Court decision is that we now have the same choices as heterosexual couples when it comes to planning a legal marriage. This time it doesn’t have that same sense that it did when San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom began issuing marriage licenses. We had to rush down to City Hall as fast as you could, and at any moment you thought that a court order might come in and stop it.

It feels like we’re exercising our rights as full citizens of the United States. This time we don’t have to worry that someone’s going to take it away from us, although we know there’s a constitutional amendment fight in November still looming over us.

We have friends - couples who had been together 25 years - who aren’t even going to get married until after November because it’s just too painful to have it in jeopardy, but I think we’re going to be able to defeat the challenges in the state of California.

I came out at 19. The first hurdle for us was to ask for our family’s participation. As a gay person, you don’t necessarily have that unconditional love and support. We sent out invitations to our extended family. My invitation was more of a “For your information, your niece is gay.”

The RSVP meant unconditional support was coming from relatives who were very conservative. They didn’t necessarily “get it” yet, but when they came to the ceremony, it was transformative. For many years, gay and lesbian couples have been the hole in the family quilt. Our spouses have always been our “special friends” or “roommates,” and other terms that don’t spell out who our kin are.

The Moral Majority

Forty years ago, there were still 13 states with laws on the books that banned people of different races from marrying one another. We’ve had to overcome stereotypes and a lack of visibility. We’ve been here all along, just without all the legal benefits.

May 15 California Supreme Court Ruling

Waiting for the ruling was the longest 15 minutes of my life. Would the court would see our humanity? “Let them be brave enough to take this righteous step forward.” We had done so much groundwork to prepare for a ruling, so that if they ruled in our favor, they would be ruling into a community that was ready for this change.

I knew if California could do it, this would literally be the turning point of the movement, and I would see justice in my lifetime. This is another step forward for our country to be the inclusive, supportive, justice-and-liberty-for-all nation.

We are creating a world in which gay and lesbian kids will never have to grow up worrying that they would not be treated as equal citizens. It was an historic moment. In California and Massachusetts, you can be married, but at the federal level, you do not have access to the 1138 federal rights that come with civil marriage.

Obama and Hillary support civil unions, but are also on record as not supporting full marriage equality. Marriage is a commitment between two loving people who wish to build a life together. There is absolutely no reason why same-sex couples should not have access to a civil marriage license. Religious differences aside, when it comes to the government, we have to treat people fairly under the law. We pay our taxes equally, and there’s absolutely no reason our families should not be treated equally.

Getting married this Labor Day will allow us to be treated as full, equal citizens. It means all those inconveniences and daily humiliations of not being recognized as a couple will go away.