Bug Chasers

A Minority of Gay Men Deliberately Convert to the "Fetish" of Being HIV-Positive

"Conversion" is a term invented in the 1990s for the fetish a small minority of gay men adopt in order to deliberately become infected with HIV. Various gay websites have chat rooms devoted to "Bug Chasers," looking specifically to have unprotected sex with HIV-positive men. "Conversion parties" allow the men to feel less guilty or left out because many of their friends are HIV-positive. Some are regular attendees at bareback parties in London, Berlin or Paris, most of which are linked to the roughest side of the scene, where sexual fetishes like S&M abound.

Didier: I got the "opportunity" to get HIV by reading about a "conversion party" in one of the gay chat rooms I frequent. At a council flat in south London, 14 muscular gay men in their mid-30s huddled around a flat screen TV playing porn for 6 frenzied hours of sex, drugs and alcohol. Two months later a doctor at Saint Mary's Hospital told me I was HIV-positive.

I arrived in London in 1998 at 25 after leaving the small provincial town in southern France where I way born. I was attracted by its trendy gay scene and immersed myself in the gay underworld. My life turned into a series of sexual escapades that spiraled into self-destruction. I was hoping to get HIV in order to value the life I had been given. It was my own life, not somebody else's, I gambled.

Luis: I understand why these barebacking parties are becoming so popular. Because HIV/AIDS is no longer a death sentence, the virus has become just another fetish. If someone has a condom, he will be asked to leave. He doesn't meet the dress-code. I confess I have never used a condom. I was with a partner for 19 years and during the last 7 years, during which my partner was diagnosed with AIDS, we continued to have unsafe sex. We did so until he died.

After 30 years of barebacking, I hadn't got the bug. Doctors discovered I am immune to it. I have a protein in my T cells called Delta 32CRR5 that stops the virus from infecting me. They say I'm one in a million.

This didn't stop me from attending barebacking parties. Maybe it lost a bit of the appeal, but it's still thrilling. There may come a time when there will be more positive than negative gay men. Most HIV-positive heterosexuals don't disclose it, whereas most gay men do. I get excited when having sex with HIV-positive men, despite knowing I can't get AIDS. In bareback parties, discussing HIV adds to the eroticism of the experience.

Didier: The danger of getting other sexually transmitted diseases such as Hepatitis B or C doesn't frighten me. The risk is always there, but I strike a balance between having low quality sex (with condoms) and risking something else and I choose the latter. I am fully aware of the consequences. It's a game and I play my part.

I think barebackers are a bit crazy; with HIV re-infection, you are always gambling. If a person is re-infected with a strain of HIV that is different from the one present or if a mutated HIV type is introduced into the body through unsafe sex, treatment will be much more complex and potentially ineffective. You can also try to get infected with the Type 2 HIV.

I know heterosexuals go bareback, but bug chasing and conversion are exclusively gay. Gays have a wider range of sexual behavior. Many people think that we, the so called "bug chasers," are mad. The closeness to extreme danger gives me a high. I get checked by my doctor regularly. My T-cell count is quite high and I have a manageable viral load. To be honest, I don't know what I will do the day science finds a cure for the virus. I will have to find a new fetish.

Being HIV-positive will be like having the common flu. It is possible that someday barebacking will be much less erotic. I'm not afraid of death anymore. Some people play Russian roulette. I choose to get HIV.

Video courtesy of http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=dreamoutloudfilms