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Lived To Use And Used To Live

Pauline VanKoll, sex trade worker, old photos

Pauline back in the bad ol' days.
When a girl scored big, you wouldn't see her for days. That was normal. Most of the time you wouldn't even realize someone was gone until it became the gossip of the day in the bar or it was on the news. '
By Citizen Correspondent Pauline VanKoll , Canada
Date Posted: 01/15/07
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Pauline VanKoll, 42, is one of two former sex trade workers who will be sitting in court alongside "regular" journalists, covering the trial of alleged serial killer Robert Pickton. The remains of 26 sex trade workers were found on Pickton's Port Coquitlam farm. Pauline is a veteran of Vancouver's Downtown Eastside, which has been described as a 'living hell,' with its rampant and open drug and alcohol abuse, extreme poverty and mental illness. Many of the women who live there engage in survival sex - selling their bodies to support chemical dependencies. Most of them are survivors of childhood abuse, and many say they turned to the streets for a sense of family among other outcasts.

Pauline used to work "The Stroll," the downtown streets where more than 60 sex trade workers disappeared, many between 1997 and 2001. However, the disappearance of women began much earlier, and for over two decades, local police failed to thoroughly investigate the cases. Pauline says it was normal for women to simply disintegrate and vanish from the scene. But now she's using her voice to give the murdered women a face. She says no one deserves to die like they did, and she's hoping her coverage of the trial will somehow help heal the severely fractured underbelly of Vancouver.

Those who know of my past lifestyle remind me that I could have been one of the unfortunate souls found on the Pickton farm. To think that it could have been me has helped me turn my life around for the better. I've had a few close calls. When I was on Hastings Street, I lived to use and used to live. I can't really say I was 'living' a life in hell because, in reality, I wasn't really living. Existing or surviving is more like it. Until I met a man, now my husband, who showed me respect, I forgot what that was. If it wasn't for him I might not be here today to talk about it. Meeting my knight in shining armor was like starring in the movie 'Pretty Woman.'

I never meant to end up working the skids, but I did. I don't think any of us meant to or wanted to live there. Those who live/ lived there all have their own story behind them as to why they ended up on the street. We wanted to forget the pain that came from some incident in our lives, whether it be abuse, abandonment or poverty.

My story started when I was living in North Vancouver. I was adopted by a white family in a minister's home. I learned how to be prim and proper and it sure didn't feel right to me. Today I can say, "I wish I would have listened to my parents." I'd be set in my ways with a good paying job right now like my adopted brothers and sister.

I just didn't feel like I fit in.


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Comments

Hello Pauline, you've shared

By Hazel8500, January 17, 2007 at 12:29

Hello Pauline, you've shared a wonderful story. I look forward to following your coverage of the trial and benefiting from your wisdom.

Sincerely,
Hazel Main.

hello Pauline, I too wish

By Raymond Williams, January 15, 2007 at 11:51

hello Pauline,

I too wish you well in your journey. Somtimes myself I don't understand why things happen the way they do. But they say it happens for a reason. Keep the circle of life strong, and be strong!

All my Relations,

Raymond Williams

You have come full circle in

By Heather Wallace, January 16, 2007 at 20:15

You have come full circle in many ways Pauline. You have accumulated a lot of wisdom in your time. Some of it, I'm sure you'd rather have never learned, but thank you for sharing it.

Heather Wallace
Senior Editor

We wish her best of luck.

By salikshah, January 15, 2007 at 09:23

We wish her best of luck.

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