Defensive Driving in Mexico City

Rules of the Road to Navigate Like a Local

Here are ten essential tips for surviving the ride of your life in Mexico City.

1) Don't bike. Attempting to navigate two wheels of any type is akin to an early death wish. Law-abiding citizens from such orderly countries as Canada will not last a day unless they quickly adjust to driving like the locals. South Africans, (law-abiding or otherwise) on the other hand, will feel quite at home.

2) Dotted or solid white/yellow lines are ineffective. Do not use them as guidance points. Instead just occupy whatever space appears to be between the car to your right and the car to your left. When crossing intersections use side mirrors and if you see a car to the right or left joining your driving space, do not assume that the driver will wait for you to pass by. She will assume you have seen her and proceed accordingly. Learn to swerve with the swervers. Driving in a straight line is downright reckless.

3) Red lights mean pause or proceed with or without caution. Feel free to consider them invisible, and expect drivers perpendicular to you to do the same when you have a green in your favour.

4) You will get lost frequently. Standard cultural etiquette allows for the practice of stopping - anywhere, from any speed - to roll down your window and ask anyone, from a fellow driver to a local vendor, for directions. He will help you, almost without exception. Know however, that if he doesn't know the way to the place you're heading - or has never heard of it - he will still try to help by giving you whatever directions he might try himself if he were lost. It's a sign of respect and kindness, not malice. Don't worry - you can repeat this exercise until you find yourself in your destination.

5) Flag down a taxi to follow him to your destination. Taxis are dirt cheap and not as frightening as the urban myths suggest.

6) Expect hostility when merging or changing lanes. Do not use your turn signals in any situation, unless you are in need of a break from driving and wish to stay put for... well, ever. If another driver sees your intention to change lanes, it is a message to her to speed up and ignore you at all cost. If you wish to change lanes, merge or turn right or left, be aggressive. Use one of the four s's to help you out: swerve, screech, slide or speed your way into the lane beside you... or around the corner.

Even if the car approaching your lane of entry from behind has seen you, the driver will not - ever - slow down. She will assume that you have correctly judged your own ability and will proceed at the same speed as before, possibly accelerating to show her distaste for your interruption of her flow. Remember, she might have been in traffic for two hours by now, and only ventured about 20 kms.

Conversely, a driver turning right into the street to join your far-right 'lane' will suddenly proceed even if you are about to have a meeting of metals. Especially beware of vehicles in the 'lane' to the right of you turning left in front of you, accelerating suddenly to cut in front of you - it's a very common practice, especially among buses.

7) Do not slow down for pedestrians. Speeding up significantly is generally the rule for any stretch of open road you might find yourself in, even if this is just a few metres. This, however, will not stop said pedestrians from running out randomly in the middle of the road, be it for the purpose of getting across a small 8-laned street... or to sell you something. You will be proffered everything from homemade tortas to fire juggling shows, cigarettes-in-singles to phone cards, contortionist acts to little girls with sad eyes begging for the rest of that bag of chips you're munching on while stuck in traffic.

8) Parking in Mexico City is scarce. Private parking lots all operate on a system where you leave your car and keys at the entrance and the employees pack all the cars like sardines, playing the tile game to move them around when you return. Public parking lots always have 'Vienevienes': men thus nicknamed due to their repeat speed-call of 'vienevienevienevieneviene' [come on, come on, come on], while directing you in or out of a parking spot.

Even if you have parked without the assistance of a parking attendant all your life, accept this service graciously and offer some change. If you don't, you may come back to a car with tire problems or a coin scratched along the paint. The best parking solution, however, is the practice of stopping your car right on the corner of a street while you go into the place you're visiting. Another option is to parallel park beside the car that is already parallel parked outside the store.

9) Beware of false puddles. It might be covering an unmarked manhole, a ditch or just another deeply scarred tarmac victim of poor road maintenance. Drive around it.

10) Don't let road rage ruin the adventure. IEmbrace the world of driving here as it is, and enjoy the ride. Feel free to join in the cacophony of horns hooting when stuck for longer than 10 seconds in traffic, but only out of the joy of being part of a street orchestra, never out of rage.

After all, there's something liberating about having to break the law every minute you're on the road in order to arrive alive.