10 Ways to Get Farked
News Aggregator Lost its Sense of Humour?
Since hopping onto Fark.com at the beginning of 2008, I’ve had limited success in getting my links approved. Quite frankly, Fark.com is responsible for lowering my self-esteem. For those who don't know Fark.com, it is an aggregator and an edited social networking news site. Every day Fark receives 2,000 or so news submissions from its readership.
Before joining Fark , I thought that I was a reasonably funny person. I figured it’d be a breeze to think up hilarious blurbs that would entice people to click. I had visions of front-page submissions. Sadly, this wasn’t to be. In 10 months I’ve successfully been greenlit once! Thank God for Dude never played a piano before in his life, hits head on bottom of pool and suddenly becomes a master pianist. Submitter tempted to hit head to see if he becomes fluent in Spanish.
Now I’m terrified to even submit content on Fark, paralyzed by my fear of failure. Every day I see funny link submissions and hilarious comments, and I know I can never attain that level of sweetness. So, instead I’ll lament over some of my favorite submissions that were rejected.
1) I Fell 106 Feet. And lived. Ok, so it’s not funny, but c’mon, how do you not want to know more?
2) This just in: Canadian found guilty in Mexico after spending two years in jail waiting for a trial - there's a lot more than the water to worry about in Mexico. This submission was about the woman detained in Mexico for two years without a trial. People are always worried about the water in Mexico! You get it, right? RIGHT??
3) Like we needed another reason to love breasts. A story about how women’s breast milk improves children’s IQ. Even breasts can't get me on the front page.
4) Honey, does this 30-pound tumor make me look fat? It’s hard to make tumors funny.
5) Guide to an 'orgasmic birth.' Submitter has enough problems figuring out how to give a girl 'orgasmic sex.' Not safe for work photos and vid included. I sort of count this as a half-victory, because it was commented on 62 times. I’ll take what I can get.
6) Guitar Hero dropout claims school was too easy. The challenge of being a penniless, virgin-nerd more to his liking. Perhaps the harshness of ‘penniless, virgin-nerd’ was a bit too much.
7) 15 year-old singer 'Juanny Cash' tired of being compared to the man in black. Submitter suggests quit dressing and singing like Cash, and stop mentioning him every other sentence. This kid got famous for dressing and singing like Johnny Cash, and he's Latin. I thought 'Juanny Cash' sold itself. I was wrong.
8)Las Vegas poolboy brags about being surrounded by drunk, naked, horny women. Still can't manage to get laid. He's probably as successful getting girls as I am getting farked.
9) Being second banana to O.J. Simpson on reality show 'Juiced' was a real killer. A fruit reference and an ‘OJ kills people’ reference. Damn it all.
The sad thing is this article will probably be rejected when I submit it.
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Comments
Whew! I thought that was a typo in your title – had me worried there for a second - hey man, if they can’t recognize comic genius when they see it, that’s on them dude.
There was a young man from Nantarket
Who wrote for the comedy market
When rejected by fools
He abandoned his cool
And said 'Bloody hell, bloody well Fark it!'.
And of course this didn't work either. Mike, your writing is smart, funny, and witty. I've had trouble getting Farked as well, and I refuse to pay for it, so I have to sublimate such base urges by doing silly limericks. Such is life. Sigh.
MIKE HAS BEEN FARKED!! CONGRATS MAN!
Well, on the one hand you’ve accomplished a goal – you got ‘farked’. Nice one! On the other, you managed to inspire an approval rating below the current sitting President’s. I don’t know which accomplishment is more impressive.
So...which one of these headlines was meant to be funny or insightful?
You're a waste of time. Please forget the English language.
Oh wow, the guy who created an account specifically to mock someone called another human being a waste of time.
Congrats Mike! People like Art Evan are such a shared cultural experience.
Mike,
Not only were you castigated by 300 or so Farkers, but now they've followed you to Orato to berate you here.
I think that's just awesome.
Some of my favourite descriptions of Mike now include:
-whiny, witless prat
-obsessed with green (a reference to both your Orato profile pic and your greenlight ambitiions... hmm... it was funnier before I wrote it...)
-emo kid
I can only imagine how many of these irked Farkers clicked on your article, read it and then commented. Way to sacrifice yourself on the altar of public shame for the sake of the cause!
I am somewhat alarmed by the fact that absolutely no one seems to have grasped the fact that you were kidding...
Anyway, it's a victory for hate and vitriol, which is a victory for me! Yay hate!
Please forget the English language! Ha! classic.
Please, Farkers, do not relent! Mike deserves all of your derision - please continue to read his story, and post nasty comments. Also, if you would be so kind as to click through a few ads on your way by, I would greatly appreciate it.
B.
Art,
You went through all the trouble of registering just to tell someone they suck. That gets an "A" for effort!!
Maggie
Yes, I'm one of those late to the party, and yes I did register strictly to call you out.
First off, its pretty sad that you are need of validation so badly. But I supose that after you continue to write atricle after article on this website that no one cares about or even to comment on, you might feel the need to stroke your ego.
Second off. None of these examples even show a hint of wit. If a jokes bombs let it go. A fucking Mexican water joke? Seriously?
Third, as I quote from your article "If it weren't for that one, my combined attempts could be described as an epic fail." The 'epic-fail' (God I hate these stupid interenet meme) is now everybody is well aware that being posted on Fark is yours lifes ambition.
I can't say that I pity you, but I do pity your parents, and anyone else unfornute enough to actually have to interact with you on a day to day basis.
Lots of love,
David S. Mihocik
(davidmihocik@gmail.com)
I would just like to quote Brandon here: "I am somewhat alarmed by the fact that absolutely no one seems to have grasped the fact that you were kidding..."
Mike's story is clearly an exercise in self-deprecating humour. How is it that NONE of Fark's self-proclaimed comedy maestros gets self-mockery? Possibly because they're all too insecure to understand what it's like to feel comfortable making fun of yourself? Food for thought...
I'm one of the lucky people who gets to interact with Mike on a day-to-day basis, and he's absolutely charming and delightful. He wasn't trying to re-write a NASA manual David...he was joking! Believe me, his self-esteem is firmly intact. And the stories he promoted ARE good stories, and the fact THIS story got "farked" is the proof in the pudding.
Please refer to our Terms of Use, which outline how to play nice in the Orato.com sandbox. If you want to be hateful, I'll have to ask you to restrict nasty Mike-related comments to Fark.com.
Personally I laughed out loud at his jokes. Guess my parents ought to be pitied too! I get the jokes, but I don't get what the big controversy here is!
Heather Wallace
Senior Editor
Orato.com
Fark aficionados are a breed akin to Something Awful goons (somethingawful.com), but have always seemed to have less of a sense of humour. In fact, I believe that there have been a few miniature wars between the two websites.
Over the years, at Fark, I have noticed that many people take the internet incredibly seriously. There isn't a true comedy maestro on the site (sans Mike, apparently), but you have hit the nail on the head with your insecurity assumption.
There is little humour inside of Fark and very few friends outside of it for those involved. It is the lunch table for kids who have no one to sit with at lunch, in that fake world outside of the internet, where nothing really matters. Who needs to go outside when my Ghost in the Shell doll is next to my Foreigner poster?
Don't worry, apparently we can speak in sarcasm as if it were code.
I seriously don't understand these bizarre attacks, unless there's a serious humor recession going on. I found Mike's article articulate and very funny. In fact, I'm jealous of his title. Why didn't I think of that? Holy Fark, chill, people.
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