That Was The Week That Was

The Premier League is in danger of becoming one of the most boring, but great, leagues, I was thinking, What have I got to do next year to get near Chelsea?' - and the truth is there's nothing I can do. I haven't got enough money and I wouldn't be able to get the players anyway

By Citizen Correspondent Sir Stephen

Date Posted: 05/10/08

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The week that Kevin Keegan got bored with the Premier League, It's a tired old cliche I know, but a week is a long time in football and it has felt a little bit longer for Kevin Keegan. "Can the season just end already? We're soooo bored!"

MONDAY
Hurrah! It's Bank Holiday Monday. Time to sit back, relax and watch a film you've already seen a hundred times all over again. Today, we opted for Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. It was ace. Well, apart from Willie Scott, but then she's always annoying. Sadly though, our day's viewing was rudely interrupted by Mathieu Flamini who, perhaps inspired by the globetrotting antics of Dr Jones, has travelled to Italy to sign for AC Milan.

Flamini has been linked with an Emirates exit for some time now, but many expected him to join Milan's rivals Inter. AC Sporting director Arido Braida is pleased with the coup. "Although no negotiations are never easy, it wasn't difficult to convince Flamini to join Milan," he says. "Flamini has made a choice as his contract with Arsenal is coming to an end and we are delighted he has chosen Milan. He is a very good player and he can offer a lot to the team."

Also getting in the way of us, Indy and the Sankara Stones is the Premier League, who have decided that 4pm on a Bank Holiday afternoon is a good time to play football. Chelsea and Newcastle clearly disagree though, because they spend much of the first half of their game at St James' Park blasting the ball over the crossbar perhaps as some form of protest. Things get better in the second half as Michael Ballack and Florent Malouda score to hand Chelsea a precious victory, but really, Temple of Doom would have been far preferable. Kali Ma, football. Kali Ma!

TUESDAY
Can you hear that? You can't?