The Butch and Femme Dynamic

Examining Lesbian Relationship Stereotypes

There are no set rules when it comes to lesbian relationships, but the most well known and controversial archetypes are the "butch" and "femme" personalities.

Butch and Femme Roles

The scale from butch to femme depends mostly on the person.

Femmes can range between exceedingly feminine (high femme), to being more middle of the road in terms of appearance and behavior.

Butches display more masculine characteristics, ranging from a moderate approach to exceedingly male behavior.

Most lesbians tend to fall somewhere in the middle and don't particularly identify as either butch or femme, although society tends to focus on those women visibly perched at the ends of the spectrum.

Butches have to deal with criticisms and pseudo-male stereotyping. Femmes are told they're only dating butches because they secretly want a man.

Butch/Femme Relationships

In the exact same way that homosexuality is normal, so is a butch/femme attraction. Just as you chose to accept yourself as a lesbian, you need to accept your interest in a butch/femme relationship. Individuality and tolerance isn't just for politically correct androgynous lesbians.

Gay or straight, everyone has something they look for in a partner. Having a preference that is not acceptable to "card carrying" lesbians is no reason to keep yourself from a fulfilling relationship.

Some couples live a very typical butch/femme lifestyle where the butch is the breadwinner and the femme is the homemaker. Others share a lifestyle that is exactly the same as any other politically correct lesbian couple, with all things being shared equally across the board..

It is as individual as any other relationship and just as private, and is deserving of respect.