Sidewalk Etiquette

Yonge Street, Toronto, 8:50 a.m. You're almost late for class.

A block from campus, you skirt around dawdlers and rush past couples with hands linked, hogging the sidewalk.

Your chest tightens. Your breath falls short. Your heart races as you curse those who get in your way. If only people were more considerate, you could make it on time.

You've been struck by pedestrian rage. A phenomenon in big cities like Toronto, it strikes the most passive and easy going of foot-commuters. But it doesn't need to. Understanding sidewalk basics can make a pedestrian's life less stressful. Here's a simple description of what (and whom) to avoid when traveling by foot. The Sidewalk-Greedy Couple: These lovebirds are so absorbed in hand-holding romance that they seem to have forgotten most city sidewalks are one-laners. They stroll along oblivious, pretending they're the only two people in the world.

How to overcome the Sidewalk-Greedy Couple: You may need to step foot on the actual road to pass by them. Or, you can politely cough, alerting them of your presence. They usually move aside - complete with apology. Of all pedestrian etiquette breakers, the sidewalk couples are the least dangerous - usually so content and blissful that they blush, realizing they're inconveniencing you, and quickly get out of the way.

The Clueless Crew: Comprised of people traveling in numbers of three or more. The usual suspects include class field trips, drunken friends, and families taking their time. Similar in breed and behavior to the Sidewalk-Greedy Couple, the pack isn't aware that they're in your way. They walk along in numbers, clogging routes for the individual traveler who has somewhere to be.

How to deal with the pack: It is important to note the difference between a drunk clueless crew and a sober clueless crew. The former can be quite threatening and should be treated with the utmost caution. Never aggravate them by loudly alerting them to your presence or your desire to pass by. It is best to take a side route off a different street or inconspicuously slip past when one of the crew pauses to pee, puke, or grab some late night munchies. The sober clueless crew is more accommodating. They'll usually tolerate a side-skirt past them without remark -- but don't be offended if you overhear them snickering ("someone's in a rush").

The Short Stop: Perhaps the most irritating of all rule-breakers because they have no excuse for their poor pedestrian etiquette. Unlike the Clueless Crew or the Sidewalk-Greedy Couple, the Short Stop tends to be a solo-walker who thinks the entire sidewalk belongs to them -- and them alone. This meanderer doesn't take the time to look behind them before halting at any store window that catches their eye. They'll be walking ahead of you at the same pace then suddenly break -- causing you to bump into them.

How to deal with the Short Stop: They don't have the protection that comes with a group of people, so they are the easiest of culprits to confront, but exercise caution nevertheless. The best way to deal with the Short Stop is to exclaim, "Oh my, I almost bumped into you." The Short Stop will hopefully acknowledge that they should've checked to see if there was someone behind them.

Other offenders include the hazardous Scooter Riders (not to be confused with the excusable Wheelchair Drivers), the Blindsided Shoppers (who saunter out of a store onto a busy sidewalk), and the Sidewalk Socials (who use the sidewalk to stand and chat with friends).

Being a pedestrian in a busy city is kind of like driving a car. Signal when you change lanes, never play chicken, always look both ways, never park in the middle of a busy road, and make sure you check your break lights. No matter what, you're going to run into careless drivers and pedestrians, but if you master your footwork, you can get off the sidewalk and on with your day.