Sexual Education for Teenagers
The Birds and Bees for Modern Teens
The only advice I've received on teen sexuality consists of a sex-ed class in which my greatest achievement was suppressing my giggles at the mention of the word "hump," and an awkward dinner conversation with my dad after he discovered the existence of my first boyfriend.
That night I was simultaneously turned off of both making out and pasta with pesto. While I intensely stared at my left knee, my dad granted me a few uncomfortable grunts centering around the idea that "older boys want different things."
It's no real discovery that society has changed since my parents grabbed their hiking boots and trail mix and headed out for some sexual exploration. Teenage sexuality has always been a pretty straightforward thing; we realize we have some virtually unused body parts, we feel as though there is some potential we should be filling with them. The adventures commence.
Sexual Education Today
Sex, in itself, hasn't changed, but the hype surrounding it definitely has. In the past, sexual endeavours were subtle, personal matters, considered with reputation and respect in mind. Especially among girls, there used to be a certain type of respect reserved for virgins, and a decent amount of pressure not to have sex.
I'm not naive enough to claim that before my generation no one slept around, but you didn't exactly advertise your adventures until recently.
I believe that one of the reasons my parents and I are on a different page (to the extent to which we're not even in the same book anymore), is that now, due to the media aggrandizing of beautiful women whose appeal involves their openness to sex, virginity has lost its righteousness. There is more admiration than ever before for girls who are "liberal" and "open-minded," at least as far as their bodies are concerned.
Pressure on Teenagers
Teenage girls, not the most confident of demographics in my experience, either by their own will or external pressures, want to be attractive and pretty. An inherent quality of those deemed "sexy" is that they have sex.
I am in no way saying that my demographic is incapable of deciding what they're comfortable with, just that as opinions on teenage sexual activity shift, so do the pressures teens are exposed to.
Logically, pressure to have sex early is counter-intuitive, especially if you consider the whole "It's supposed to feel good" aspect, which is buried somewhere under a large pile of stress, stigma, STIs, social concerns and some other nasty issues we grapple with.
Young, fumbling sex usually isn't the best experience. Although I guess you could argue that "practice makes perfect," I can definitely see some upsides to waiting until you've gained a little more maturity before jumping right into the game. You don't generally hear people talking about how much the wish they had more awkward, fumbly teenage sex, right?
As captured in numerous books and films, the timelessness of the "coming of age" concept lies in the fact that for every generation, sex is a key component. The irony is that as every generation changes its views on teenage sexuality, for the most part, the only advice confused teens can get is from their seemingly out-of-date parents.
So my choices are basically striking out alone into potential disaster or returning to mom's room to see if Howie has gone back to waxing his head.
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Comments
I have to say that this article is rather fantastic. Completely encompasses the awkward, transitional phase that is adolescence and the sexual tension between genders that comes along with it! It managed to be laugh out loud funny and at the same time show huge insight into todays teenaged world! An impressive first, Adrienne, and I hope to see more of your work in the near future.
I whole-heartedly second that opinion, Derek - Adrienne, you have done a wonderful job of both entertaining and enlightening us and I can't wait to read more. When I was coming through high school, I could sense the shift that you're talking about, but it hadn't quite taken hold yet - there was stress and pressure and you weren't really considered a slut for having sex, but I wouldn't say us girls were carving the proverbial notches in our bedposts and advertising our conquests and experience like some of the girls of today. We now live in a world with information at your fingertips via the Internet and this attitude that we as a society are more forward-thinking and open-minded about sex and sexuality, but open and honest conversations with younger generations about those topics are still not happening. I think you'll help get those conversations started, Adrienne - so keep 'em coming!
Robyn Stubbs,
Community Building Editor
Orato Media
I was called a slut in junior high school...because I dressed like one, in short-short skirts and see-through shirts. I hadn't even been kissed yet, so it was a confusing time. I'm sure you'll help to bring it all back for us old fogies - we can all relate, even if we're on different pages (or different books).
Heather Wallace
senior editor
Orato.com :)
Definitely "laugh out loud funny!" Pasta with pesto will never be the same for me again!
Well done, Adrienne!
May I just start off my saying how much I adore your eloquent writing. I really enjoyed your article and caught myself literally laughing out loud...in class...thanks for the embarrassment :). I hope there will be more to come soon!
I really appreciate how you have been able to articulate your feelings on this matter; I too have these feelings about the taboo of sex between our generation and our parents.
In my family, I have never experienced the openness which I feel is necessary when conversing about this subject. As sad as it is to say, I even envy you for your awkward dinner discussion. The closest that my mom and I have ever come to discussing sex was a hasty phone conversation on my behalf, explaining that I was "protected" enough to stay overnight at my boyfriend's apartment. This she replied with a curious response of "So...*excruciatingly long pause*...you are sufficiently utilizing birth control?", and the conversation ended shortly after with consent that I would be home early the next morning.
This is the type of situation which I believe you have touched upon so vividly in your article and I feel reassured to know that I am not the only one unsatisfied with this scenario. If awareness of this issue is not catalyzed by this article; please be encouraged by the fact that you've levitated some of my troublesome thoughts of having a somewhat stunted relationship with my parents.
On a final note: You rock!
Adrienne I liked this article a lot. I chuckled at some parts, haha.
I'm so glad I haven't (and hopefully will never) had the awkward 'sex talk'
Kudos to Adrienne.
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