I can't say I have friends down there because, in reality, they weren't really friends. They were acquaintances; the only thing we had in common was drugs, sex and emotional vengeance. It was the party we lived for and the memories we wanted to forget. Pickton and his group played on that to get the girls to the farm.

The insanity of fighting over who's got the biggest rock in their pipe, the corner you're standing on or what look you thought I gave you, was very real down on the corner by the Astoria Hotel. It was all about survival and getting the anger out. It must have felt good to get the anger out because we'd always end up celebrating over a beer or a rock once the fight was over, and then it was back out on the street again. What a life!

Many jobs I've done more recently involved repetitive tasks; it was the same for me when I worked the streets. Work, score, use- Even when I'd get tired of working and go on a binge, sooner or later I'd have to get my butt back out to work.

I never thought about the poverty while I was hanging around Downtown Eastside. I almost always had money, and when I didn't, I had longshoremen or someone to buy me a beer and give me a smoke, sometimes even money. As long as I looked good and strutted my stuff. I never used the phone unless I was calling for drugs or the guy I finally married. Since the Astoria was my home away from home and I was 'trendy' down there, using the bar phone wasn't a problem.

Trish was right though when she mentioned the 10 X 10 block radius that we barely stepped outside of, unless we were pulling a trick. However, I didn't live downtown; I always lived in the vicinity of Broadway, Fraser and Commercial Drive area. I could work that area, but if I wanted to go home, I'd either get a ride with an acquaintance, thumb it or take the bus with everyone staring at me because I wore sexy clothes and usually reeked of beer.

It was obvious what I was doing. Deep down it was shameful, but while you're living in the world of prostitution, you really think you're something because you turn heads and can get anyone you want. I remember I had to stop seeing one of my regulars (tricks) because we were starting to like each other too much, and he was married and lived in North Vancouver and drove many different expensive cars. Mind you most of my tricks were married.

I remember some of the people I'd hang out with that lived in the Astoria; they used to go to the Union Gospel Mission so they could eat. I only did that once and I never cared for it. It'd rather starve or fill the empty gap with drugs or alcohol. It was only when I was very young and didn't know how to get money that I'd go to a mission for food and listen about God. I was more into devil worshiping back then.

There was a time we'd wait for the produce store near Chinatown toss vegetables that weren't so good. You can't say I didn't eat my veggies! Once in a while they'd give us something just to get rid of us. The things you do to survive. When I see people doing that now I cringe. It grosses me out, but deep down I know what it's like. Maybe that's why I cringe.

I've walked from DTES to Kitsilino in stilettos. Along the way we did a dine and dash to eat and have a beer. It was in the middle of the night, and I was cold, so the guy I was with went into someone's garage and found a fake fur coat for me to wear while I curled up on the lit up clock on Granville Street that was in front of a jewelry store.

These are just a few things I did during my years of poverty, and I see they're still going on today, if not even more; especially, with everything increasingly rising in price. The government is driving us into another depression. And now they want to raise bus fare again. Don't they get enough!

I will never give up what I have found today. The experiences I've had since I've been off the street being clean and serene are amazing. It's amazing for me to be alive today and that is something to be gratful for. My dad would have told me it's a miracle.

I don't have much, but I have my kids and their kids, I have my husband who is wonderful, I have a roof over my head and clothes on my back and I even have a car now. I've been to the Caribbean, Asia, Europe and Hawaii. I have people who see me as a person now and treat me as one. How much more can one ask for? Oh, the lottery would be nice. But really, the people I know today treat me like anyone else.

Some don't know my background and that's fine. Those who have seen my show on the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation, the local station and radio are astonished and grateful I'm telling the world about the reality of the street and what needs to change to lessen the population of Hastings Street.

I've had family members of the missing women thank me for helping them understand why their daughter, granddaughter or girlfriends (even themselves) were down on the skids. It helped them, and that's why I'm doing this for Orato. I've had a copious amount of people from all walks of life come up to me and tell me that they've read our stories et cetera-

With our new media passes, I find it doesn't make a difference to me. A seat is a seat, and I'm still a person having to listen to the insanity of whodunnit case of Pickton. This media pass might get me closer to the accused, but I don't really want to get close to him.

Some of the regular people cheered me on for getting a media seat and it did feel a little awkward, since we've been sitting in the public seats from the beginning of trial. However, the media personnel from CBC, CKNW, Global and Mail et cetera are just people too. They only have a certificate behind their position. We have the experience and the reality of almost being a victim ourselves.

Furthermore, I've been a victim of D. Parker who raped me and beat me. I'll never forget that. Later he did the same to another Native girl and beat her with a dumb bell near death. The po-po (police) did what they could for us, but in the end he got off. I was a ho (prostitute) and a junkie at the time. The judge said that there is no doubt I was raped, but-

Feeling defeated I went back to my home away from home and got totally wasted for another year. There was no one to turn to, so I poured my sorrows out to the girls I worked around, informing them to watch out for his car and license plate number that I got after he was finished with me.

I think its great having the media pass for the duration of this trial. It has helped me get to places where others can't get. I just wish it would be longer than the duration of this trial. I wish I would have listened to my elders years ago when they thought I'd be good doing this. I was only 17 then, and talking to people older than me was unnerving. Now who knows where it will take me, but it's a great experience and I've always been one that does something at least once. As I tell my kids, follow your instincts before the mind takes over and there's nothing more than fear than fear it's self.