My name is Luka Magnotta, I am now a professional model.
When I think about my life today, I think about Johnny Nash's song "I can see clearly now, the rain has gone," because ten years ago, my life was stormy.

I was a normal little boy to an extent, did normal things, rode my bike, played ball etc. I never thought or knew what a mental illness was...I thought people wjo walked around talking to themselfs were just crazy. I was wrong. I admit it. i was uneducated.

I am a survivor of mental illness and im not ashamed of it, Talking helps others. and so does education. I went throught a very traumatic childhood and in my teen years experimented with drugs and alcohal. At first I thought this was the problem...it wasnt. I am Manic Depressive or Bi Polar. One day im normal, the next i cant get out of my bed and then next week I want to conquer the world lol. Very confusing to someone who doesnt understand.

One of the major challenges of coping with a depressive disorder is dealing with the guilt and shame that one often feels about being depressed. I have felt that way for a long long time.

I never told friends and family due to rejection or being sterotyped. I kept silent.
"Clinical depression is a medical condition, similar to diabetes or heart disease," my psychiatrist responded when I confessed how I had concealed my hospitalization. "We need to stop making depression a moral issue. Is the person with a disorder of the pancreas or the circulatory system weak-willed, lazy or defective? Of course not. And neither is the individual who suffers from depression."

I have often wondered why it is so scary to be open about our frailties. With the revelation that depression and other forms of mental illness have a biological component, people should no longer feel that their symptoms are caused by personal inadequacies or a lack of willpower. On the contrary, only a strong and courageous person could bear and ultimately transform so much pain.
I first realized I was truely sick when I started hearing voices...I was in the park and I just herd screams and people talking in my ear...noone was there and I was terrified! What should I do? what is happening, I remember running home and just being so scared because my father was a sick man and I NEVER wantedto end up like him. The voices went away and I was relieved for a while.
Abraham Lincoln is a particularly intriguing example of someone who achieved greatness in spite of the fact that he experienced bleak, despairing periods of depression throughout his life-no doubt brought on by the early death of his mother and cold treatment at the hands of his father.
On his wedding day, all preparations were in order and the guests assembled, but Lincoln didn't appear. He was found in his room in deep dejection, obsessed with ideas of unworthiness, hopelessness and guilt. Prior to his illness Lincoln was an honest but undistinguished lawyer whose failures were more conspicuous than his successes. This was when he was considered well-before his mental illness made its appearance. What he became and achieved after his illness is part of our great national heritage.

I remember telling a relative, who in tunr took me to a mental institution and had me commited. I was given halidol and I was literally a walking drooling zombie. I lost EVERYTHING, my car, Apartment,friends,girlfriends EVERYONE abandoned me. The hospital was call Rouge Valley and it was in Scarborough Canada. I was on the tenth floor with maniacs who would scream and yell all the time. A visiter brought me a potted plant and it made me happy.....then one day my roomate threw it and smashed it on te floor for no reason. I had to be tied down and forced to eat pills which I considered mental handcuffs. The torture I endured was unbearable. When I tell people about my life they think it was too elaberate but it was true...unfortuately when all the otther kids were going to parts ands having fun I was stuck in the looney bin.

I couldn't stand the stigma, so I moved out. My plan was to find a job, but I ended up homeless on the streets in Toronto. I had no food, no medicine, and a job working a concession stand. For a while, I was living in someone's garage, and in exchange for the living space, I had to do all kinds of work. When my symptoms became more severe, I was taken to a crisis unit.

This is where my story turns around. For the first time in my life, I was connected with a social worker who helped me get case management, Social assistance, clothes, food, and shelter in an assisted living facility. I hated living alone but My insecurities about living alone started to go away, and I felt motivated. This was the beginning of my recovery.

I went through so much in my early childhood, we had no food so I would actually put applejuice on my cornflakes,I went to school with no lunch, my mother cared for me but I was severely beaten by my stepfather.
I think the speration of my parants made me snap. I always held on to a dream though that I would get better and I did..with the right professionals and medications I am now successful beyond y wildess dreams. I travel the world, ride around in limos, have only the most expensive clothing. Ive come along way from eating out of old pizza boxes on the streets.Today, I still take my medication. I see a counselor when I need to talk. I have an attorney to handle legal things, and I have a built-in support system of some friends and peers. I am so happy today because I know that I am not alone anymore. I was always alone growning up and thats my biggiest fear. Modelling and acting now make my life so much happier and i thank god everyday. Please if you or anyone you know is suffering from a mental illness get them help and get them on the right track, email me and I will help you as much as I am able.
I used to think I was doomed. I used to talk about how I would prepare for my funeral. Looking back on that now, I feel marvelous. As long as there's life, there's hope.