MONDAY
OLE GRAIL, TORRY PARTY and VIVA ESPANA are just three of the rotten puns filling up the back pages of Monday's newspapers, so no prizes for guessing who won the final of Euro 2008 last Sunday. Yep, Liverpool's Fernando Torres was the hero as he scored the winner for Spain against Germany in Vienna, but, as virtually every media outlet is at great pains to point out, Spain were the best team in the tournament, playing the most adventurous football of the lot, so in the end FOOTBALL was the real winner. Unless you're Michael Ballack of course, in which case football is a cheating spouse who causes you to lose three finals and a league title in a single season...
Martin O'Neill was full of praise for Luis Aragones's side during the tournament, but he doesn't seem best pleased with events in his own team. Wantaway Liverpool target Gareth Barry complained that his manager spent more time chatting away on the BBC during Euro2008 than he did tending to matters at Villa Park, but Martin O'Neill hit back Monday, insisting that Liverpool's £15million offer for the player is not enough. Considering Rafa Benitez considers Peter Crouch to be worth the same amount, we can't say we disagree...
Meanwhile, Chelsea have continued their irritating habit of not being able to stick to working hours by signing Deco...at 8 o'clock at night. This comes after sacking Jose Mourinho early in the morning and hiring Luis Felipe Scolari during another team's Euro 2008 game, so we (and presumably many others) are getting a little sick of Chelsea's devil may care attitude. Mind you, Deco seems happy enough, insisting: "I am sure I have come at the right time to do great things." The right time? Three managers in under a year and a bunch of superstars who are thought to be leaving this summer. Yeah Deco, this is an EXCELLENT time to join!
TUESDAY
One man we've heard far too little of recently is Deco's old boss and former Chelsea hero Jose Mourinho. Thankfully, he's back on top form when discussing the possibility of Frank Lampard joining him at Inter Milan. "This season? I don't think so," he explains. "However for the next season it will be easier for him to join me at Inter. I'm 100 per cent sure in 2009/2010 he will be playing here." 100 per cent sure? Overbearing, egotistical, arrogant...Yeah, that'd be Jose!
Elsewhere, Manchester City have today learned who they will play in the UEFA Cup. City in Europe? But wasn't their failure to get into the UEFA Cup the whole reason for Sven Goran Eriksson's sacking, we hear you cry. Well, yeah, but they got in through the fair play league, so it doesn't really count. That applies double when the team they'll be playing is Faroe Islands outfit EB/Streymur. You know a team's obscure when they have an entirely pointless forward slash in their name...
On the other side of Manchester, everyone is still talking about (and presumably getting very, very bored with) Ronaldo. That promise to sort out his future once Euro 2008 had finished has not been honoured, just as it wasn't when Portugal were knocked out two weeks back. Still, there is one small slither of news for all you Ronaldo nuts to sink your teeth into, with the media reporting that Sir Alex Ferguson is privately confident the Portuguese star will stay at Old Trafford. Thrilling stuff, we're sure you'll agree.
WEDNESDAY
We're deep in the transfer window now, so it's all about who's moving where. Liverpool are reported to have made a final £17million bid for Gareth Barry, but then insist they haven't. AC Milan say they're not interested in destitute millionaire Emmanuel Adebayor anymore. Manchester City are quite bizarrely leading the race for Ronaldinho. And, most significant of all, Anthony Le Tallec has left Liverpool! What d'ya mean 'who's he?'.
One man who seems unlikely to be on the move though is David Villa. The Spain star is big news after winning the golden boot in Euro 2008, but rather than joining Liverpool, Chelsea or another one of the several hundred teams who have been linked with him recently, he's decided to stay loyal to Valencia. "I've always felt the affection of the fans and it is something that fills me with pride," he says. A footballer with respect and dignity? Wonders never cease.
Meanwhile, City have continued a busy week by following Chelsea's example and making a big out-of-hours signing. Jo is the offender this time round but, despite his arrival causing chaos for people who want to find out about him on Google, City manager Mark Hughes is impressed with his acquisition, saying: "He's a big talent and a young man with a big future." Big talent, big future, small, difficult-to-search-for, name.
THURSDAY
Gareth Barry is once again the centre of attention after being punished by Villa. The midfielder's actions this summer have landed him in hot water with Martin O'Neill, who has slapped an £84,000 fine on him, banned him from pre-season training and even stopped him from going in the club shop. Mind you, we're not sure he'll want those Villa branded socks after all this...
Speaking of long-running transfer sagas, heeeeeeeeere's Ronaldo (again). He's in the news today over a reported injured ankle. The Portugal star returned from Euro 2008 with a bit of a knock, but United say he is not set for surgery. "Manchester United's medical staff met with the medical team from the Portuguese FA and Cristiano Ronaldo in Lisbon regarding the ongoing treatment of his injured right ankle," reads a statement. "As a result, further specialist advice is being sought and an announcement will be made on any action in due course."
All this fuss over what seems a fairly average ankle knock so far away from the start of the season sounds fairly fishy to us, like a possible injury might effect something more than just when Ronaldo can play next, and it seems the Glazer family agree. A Spanish newspaper is today claiming that the United owners have all-but resigned themselves to life without the winger. Could this tiring saga finally be coming to an end? Ronaldo, what do you think? "I will spend the period of my recovery in my house in Sintra, but regarding my future I cannot say anything." Sigh!
FRIDAY
Harmony has been restored to the world of football. Ronaldinho will NOT be going to Manchester City. Instead, the player's agent has confirmed he is almost certain to be joining AC Milan from Barcelona. "It's true, he is likely to go to Milan," revealed Roberto de Assis, who is also the superstar's brother. "Everything is ready for the transfer. It is 90 per cent and we are heading in this direction." Phew, we can all rest easy now ...
Well almost. If you want a slice of madness in football, it's always a good idea to look towards Newcastle, and the Magpies are on great form today with news that Mike Ashley is set to sell the club. The businessman only bought the team last year and has spent much of the time since showing how much he loves them by wearing a black and white shirt everywhere he goes. But now there's a chance to almost treble his investment by selling them on for £420million, he wants to get rid. Or maybe not...
Not long after the news breaks, the club comes out with a statement dismissing such a deal is in the offing, with one of those slightly dodgy spokesman people insisting: "It is absolute nonsense." So that's that then. We can all go back home now and enjoy the weekend, safe in the knowledge that Newcastle aren't worth more money than we will see in our entire life. Well, until next week when the speculation starts all over again, of course. Ain't the summer great?