My 13-year-old cousin and I were at the beach and she turns to me and says, “Oh my God, I’m so fat!” I immediately said, “No, you’re not and you look great – and why is my 13-year-old cousin calling herself fat?”
I started researching and saw the statistics that said almost half of nine-year-old girls have been on a diet, and I began thinking why isn’t anyone doing anything about this? I don’t want my cousin growing up without a role model and it worries me that perhaps her generation may be a lost one because all of her role models are either in rehab or recovering from eating disorders. One of my favorite quotes is, “You must be the change you wish to see in the world” so I decided to audition for America’s Next Top Model.
Big And Beautiful - And Not Changing For Anyone!
If you look at a regular model, they’re a size 2 or a size 4 maximum. I am not! I am a size 10 and I don’t ever plan on being a size 4. I’ve heard “if you only lost 50 pounds you’d be so beautiful” and I’ve said always no – I’m not going to do that. I’m going to stay my size and you can call me when you change your mind. In the meantime, I’m going to go eat something!
Being a plus-size model does not mean that you’re fat. It means you have breasts; it means you’re a size C-cup; it means you’re a size 10 in pants. It doesn’t mean that you’re double-Ds and weigh 300 pounds and I think a lot of people don’t understand that.
The ‘big’ girls in the modeling industry are not big by any terms – if that girl was walking down the street, you’d say that girl was hot. But if she’s walking down the runway, she’s fatty-fatty-eats-a-lot. Why are we setting that example for nine-year-old girls whose bodies aren’t even developed yet? Girls who are sitting at the lunch tables in sixth grade drinking Slimfast? When these girls do develop bodies, they’re going to think they’re plus-size and they’re going to think that’s a bad thing. I’m absolutely not okay with that.
Of course, people are going to nay-say and say “she’ll never be a real model” or “she’ll never make it in the fashion world.” And to that, there’s nothing I can do but work my butt off to make it. I always say that best revenge is living well, so to the nay-sayers I say, look for my billboards and my magazine covers! You can keep putting me down but it’s not going to stop my work ethic. It’s not easy to stand up to the fashion industry and say “I’m not going to change – you are!”
Hamming It Up?
Frankly, the judges see you for ten minutes once a week, so they don’t ever really get a feel for your personality. It’s so difficult to prove to someone that you’re not fake. If they say you’re not dressing well, you can change that. If they think you’re fake, what do you do? There was really nothing I could do, except be myself. I’m pretty raw and realistic and I hope the viewers got a sense of that, but what a difficult critique to rebuttle!
I don’t disagree that I have a very outgoing personality. Tyra says I have a presence, and Paulina sees that as showing off. Hey – if you’re in a runway show wearing a $100,000 Versace gown, I feel you should look confident in it! But it did seem like Paulina had something against me – I thought she was a really great person but apparently she didn’t feel the same way about me.
But, I never let negative thoughts come into my mind on that show. You have to know that your biggest competition is yourself. The only thing I could do was be the best me; I don’t know if that was a good plan or not, but I did win so it worked for me!
*****
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