Have you ever noticed that when you buy a new car or get a new dog you suddenly see that car or dog everywhere? Such is it with bisexuality and marriage; you start talking about it, and suddenly bisexual married people are everywhere!
Despite how many of us there are, there is a not-so-subtle lack of resources out there, and I know why, but that's a different article entirely.
This article is about maintaining a marriage as a bisexual. More specifically, maintaining a marriage when you long for companionship from both men and women.
The difference is subtle, but important. Some bisexuals commit to one person and that's that. They are, presumably, still attracted to other men and women, but they do not act on any attraction except the one to their spouse.
Others struggle with the idea of being with one gender forever and long for the companionship of both men and women. If you fall into the latter category, you may wonder if marriage is even in the cards for you. As a happily married woman who also falls into that category, I can tell you there are ways to make it work.
Marriage can, at times, be difficult for anyone to maintain. There are constant sacrifices, debates and compromises, and there are times when you just want what you want, no matter how the other person may feel. These feelings can be magnified by the desire to be with both men and women while committed to one or the other.
Selfishness and insensitivity will only destroy a marriage, but ignoring those feelings will breed resentment. A middle way has to be found, and the answer is so cliché, it should come with its own trademark symbol. Honesty and Communication.
When I met my husband, I had only a year before left my longterm boyfriend and the province, and had recently broken off a short relationship with a woman I met shortly thereafter. I was fed up with relationships, unsure of what I wanted and not at all ready for something serious. So, of course, I met the man of my dreams.
Our relationship evolved at a rapid pace but I was careful to be completely honest with him the whole way. If there is anything all the disastrous relationships I've been in have taught me, it's to be honest--both with the other person and with yourself. When we reached the point of engagement, I was open about my nervousness.
Did this mean I'd never kiss a woman again? Never eat expensive chocolate and watch artsy films while cuddling on the couch? Could I commit to that? Marriage appealed to me, but these questions made me second guess the idea.
Thankfully, getting married generally involves finding the right person for you, and my husband and I talked the whole thing out many times in the months before our wedding. He is open to my dating a woman, should I meet someone that I really want to pursue a relationship with, and we have discussed all the possible scenarios, rules and difficulties that may come up.
Not all couples will come to the same conclusion, of course, but the key is to be open about your feelings and concerns and to carry on a dialogue with your partner every step of the way.
