My cousin, we’ll call her Anna, was up in arms about being called a single mother, even though technically she would be defined as one.

“What does my marital status have to do with being a mother?” She just wanted to be called a “mother,” yet, when I first heard this from her; a slight frown furrowed my brow.

I was thinking to myself, what in the world is wrong with her? Didn’t she know that being called mother was just as generic as being called human? The title, “single mother” implicated a different type of walk of life, with unique struggles to those of married mothers; that though neither being single nor being a mother defined us as women, it gave people a glimmer of insight into our character and the routine of our daily lives.

She wanted simply to be called a mother – and she is one – so who am I to argue about the adjective she removes from her title? I did attempt to share my views on the matter as graciously as I could – after all, I did have an opinion, and she is family.

After writing, Raise the Red Teddy: A Single Mother’s Guide to Dating [1], I played back Anna’s thought on “single mother” again. Once I played devil’s advocate in my head and enlisted some logic of my own, I reluctantly began to see her point. What did being single have to do with motherhood?

Okay, I’m not in denial about the fact that for most mothers, the difference in marital status greatly affects the experiences of motherhood. I don’t sway on this point. My latest question is: but whose business is it? Surly we don’t refer to mothers who are married as “married mothers” – so why should our business get blasted? Is it a subconscious attempt to evoke sympathy? Criticism? Is it a way to gloat our strength? Maybe it’s some strange exotic cocktail of reasons, but either way, I believe we should bring this subconscious thought to the front of our minds to speak consciously.

And will I refer to single mothers in the future? Come on, you know I will! I have a book to promote, but at least it is now in front of me as a conscious reference, so that when I do stop referring to myself as one, it is beyond making a statement and simply principle and truth.