Today time was dragging on while waiting for the jury to come to a verdict on the six counts of murder.

For the first time in my life I was sitting in a law court on a Saturday. I told my husband that I felt as though I needed to be there. To hear the verdict would mean saying goodbye to a part of my past that I walked away from seven years ago. I walked away and didn’t want to look back let alone go back.

I think the fear of the unknown and the fear that Robert Pickton will be found ‘not guilty’ has me pacing back and forth waiting anxiously for a verdict. With all the snow falling and me in a wheelchair now, I’m not sure if I’ll make it there for tomorrow to give my support and hope by chance a verdict will be given.

I sat inside the front doors with the sisters of Georgina Papin. Through our discussions I learned that they too had knowledge of the street. I don’t think it came as a surprise to me since most First Nations I’ve met seem to have some street knowledge.

They lived in Edmonton, Alberta and were Métis. My ex-husband, who I call my ex-pimp. is from Edmonton too, so we talked about how it is on Reserve out there. I know my ex got kicked off Reserve and we chuckled about that because they knew a few people who got kicked off Reserve too.

Everyone was playing either scrabble, yatzee, snakes and ladders or doing puzzles to pass the time. We joked around to take some of the stress off. Coffee and bowls of noodles kept us warm and victim services passed out blanket it was so cold. I felt sorry for the camera men that had to wait outside in the snow with only a little heater to keep them warm. But they’re doing what they enjoy doing.

I talked with Norm Williams, the father of Olivia Williams, as I usually have throughout this trial. His daughter has been missing since 2001 with no trace as to what has happened to her. I could see it was still a painful subject to talk about, and he seemed to be holding on quite well.

Norm is a First Nations man from Burns Lake, and one thing we have in common was addiction - the way a lot of First Nations peoples live through addiction. We both admitted we are getting too old for the parties and prefer not to indulge in anything to numb out our past. We’ve joked about things we’ve done and will never do again at our age. We were young and foolish back then and if we could we’d turn back the hands of time.

I've talked with Heather Bottomly’s father as well; however, he prefers stay away from the eye of the media. I can sense how important it is for him to hear the verdict; maybe it will help him overcome the pain of losing his daughter. He mentioned to me once before during this trial that he just couldn’t understand why his daughter would choose to live in such a God awful place as Downtown Eastside.

He was frustrated and agitated, so I discussed addiction with him and helped him understand a little more what it does to ones thinking when your life has turned to drugs or alcohol...how addiction is cunning and baffling, and sometimes you don’t know how far down you’ve gone until you hit bottom.

I talked with a couple sisters who were still trying to find out any information they could regarding their sister, who has been missing for some time now. They asked me questions about the Downtown Eastside and if I might have known her.

My prayers go out to all the families of the six women and for the families whose loved ones are still missing. As I’ve said before, I’m also a parent and I couldn’t imagine what it must be like to not know anything as there what might have happened to them…or what has happened to them

Everyone is taking a guess as to how long deliberations will take. However, if you think about it, there are six counts that the jury will have to make a decision on.

I’m guessing it won’t happen until sometime during next week or even the following week. They don’t need to be rushed to come to a fair decision, whether Robert Pickton is guilty or not guilty beyond a reasonable doubt for either murder in the first degree, murder in the second degree, manslaughter or not guilty.

As the judge said, the jury has to decide whether they believe all, some, or none of the statements made throughout this trial and the evidence that has been given to them. I will continue to do my best to make it to court each day until we hear a verdict.

Otherwise, I have certain media assisting me with phone calls or e-mails if they hear anything. I don’t have snow tires on my wheelchair and I don’t think it be wise to ski down the hill to court in my chair. One way or another I will be there to hear the verdict.