The Vanity Tales Of A Passport Reject

Why is it Murphy's Law that a passport photo is always a bad thing?I have never been a photogenic person, so when I know I am going to have to live with a photo for five years while I gallavant around the globe, I take drastic measures to look my best before that shutter bugs.

My passport is turning into a pumpkin this coming March, so this past weekend I stopped into London Drugs for the big moment. Once again, big disappointment.

I'm not sure why things didn't work out. I did everything the drugstore "photographer" told me to: no smiling (no problem; a neutral expression is my permanent facial range).

The face wasn't the problem; it was my hair. I examined it that evening and determined I would go for a retake the next day, even though that would mean paying another $11.98, since apparently there are no satisfaction guarantees.

The next morning I dressed especially for the event and spent an extra 10 minutes in hair and make up. This time I thought I'd try my luck at a different London Drugs, which I knew was better equipped with a handy mirror and communal powder for shiny noses. (blech)

I asked for a few moments to freshen up. She snapped my picture and showed me the results.

Terrible. Even worse than the first. I looked like a nun on a day-trip.

I asked the girl if we could try again. I tucked my hair behind my ears and gave it my best shot.

Even worse than the second.

But the worst part is that they print the damn things on this industrial photo paper, so try as I might, I couldn't even rip the damn thing to shreds. Thank God for Sharpies.

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