Owen Wilson: After The Laughter

In hindsight, the suicides of Sid Vicious, Ian Curtis and Kurt Cobain were pretty easy to understand. Maybe not easy to take, but not hard to comprehend. Of course you have the myopic masses who ask things like, "Why would Kurt kill himself when he was so popular and rich?" As if that saves lives. But Owen Wilson?

In my own shortsightedness, I figured the toughest emotion he'd ever faced was the frustration of forgetting a poorly written monologue in a two star film. Then I come to learn he has a drug problem. Now, how much of his suicidal attempt was driven by his drug use is not known and I will not guess. But a drug problem is not something that generally afflicts a stable, happy, easy going person.

It is a symptom of pain. Be it depression, existential despair, personal loss or any number of different wounds. As I pondered Mr. Wilson, drugs, depression, suicide and began to look beneath the surface, it occurred to me that in many ways, I was looking straight into the mirror.

All my life I have unconsciously used humor as a protective tool. Sometimes as a weapon. It's always been an instinctive, reflective action to keep people outside the wall. I use humor to deflect, to keep people distracted and laughing when they start to get too close. Then, when they can't see my titanic internal despair, I blame them for their ignorance. A self-inflicted Catch 22.

Recently in rehab, I got a testing ground for my demented art. The patients couldn't tell what I was up to, but the counselors picked up on it pretty quick. While I did make them laugh, their frustration was apparent. Instead of working the program, I was working the room.