Children Of Men

Unfortunately, numbness seems to be everywhere. I live in an increasingly affluent community just outside NYC. The housing projects are right across the street from my apartment, and they can be pretty rough. If a yuppie's car window gets broken on the main drag it might make the local paper, but a daylight murder back here, just a few blocks away, won't even make "Police Blotter."

The last murder (that I heard of) was a few months ago; broad daylight in the parking lot of the local bodega. I blundered into the immediate aftermath on my way to work. The large and growing crowd of gawkers was a mix. There were a few knots of yuppies who smiled and chatted among themselves as if this was a cool urban amusement, "just like on tv." And to the folks from the projects, who have to witness (and survive) this stuff more than anybody from a smug socioeconomic demographic can imagine, the overall verdict seemed to be summed up with a shrug. "Well... he was from Philly, you know?" The fact that the murder had taken place yards from everyone's homes--and that a dead man was lying there in our common area, seemed to faze no one.

Fifteen minutes later the victim was tagged, bagged and gone, the corner reverted to normal, end of story.

Richard Day Gore

Hazel - thanks for that. I think it's unfortunate in a way that most of us have the luxury of going numb, because then the burden of feeling falls only on the shoulders of people experiencing the crises firsthand. We all know what "they" do to numb the pain.

And I don't think this is just a local issue that only people from Vancouver can relate to. Vancouver is a very concentrated example of drug addiction gone very, very bad. But it's a universal problem. As is the killing of women...I recently read in Glamour Magazine (of all places) that 430 women have been murdered in Mexico over the past 14 years, with their bodies turning up along the Mexican/ U.S. border. It started in Jurarez in 1993, and most of the crimes remain unsolved. I wondered why I haven't heard about this sooner. It's probably because Oprah isn't talking about it (to my knowledge). Oprah won't return my calls either, but I think we all need to realize how connected we all are and how these stories affect each of us.

Heather Wallace
senior editor
www.orato.com

Heather, I read your story and related so much to so many of your points. I feel as though I could write an entire story on my 14 years as a social worker in the DTES. My entire adult career (to date) has been in the DTES, that is all I know as a working enviornment and to me it is "normal". Now I realize that in fact it isn't normal to the standard of most society, but it is normal to me. In fact, it became too normal to me, I think, but I may be wrong. I have recently found my way out of working in the DTES as a Social worker and I have joined the corporate world, right downtown in a big office tower where people rush around with Starbucks and Nike's with panyhose on. It's all really foreign to me, I almost feel like I'm a fake, that I dont belong. At the same time I do think it is best for me, especially as a single mother, to try to "unnormalize" (o.k., I know that isn't a word), the life, condition, experiences and trauma in the DTES. Having said that, I must note that I am in a long term relationship with a man who lived in the DTES selling and using drugs for over 10 years. Our backgrounds are completely different, he is from another country, grew up in a different culture, dropped out of school, hooked up with a gang, pimped out women, became a big ass drug dealer...then got hooked. He ended up alienating himself from his family (who have always loved and supported him), his child (who his ex-refuses to let him see even though she too lived a life on the streets, recovered and now looks for the same acceptance and forgiveness that she wont afford him), he ended up in and out of jail with over 24 possession and trafficking charges, in and out of various SRO hotels and living on the street, when he stopped making money on the street he just got welfare. I on the other hand, grew up in a moderate middle class family, both parents worked, both kids graduated highschool (we wouldn't dare consider anything else), I went to a vocational institute and earned a certificate, got myself my first professional job right before my 19th birthday, moved to Vancouver and never looked back. I ended up realizing I had more potential than what I was doing, started attending College, ended up in University and completing even higher education. Found employment in my chosen field immediately and not only worked in my field but excelled. I was groomed for better positions and given opportunities to move forward in my career. Most would look at us on paper and not be able to figure out what the connection is. There are many. First of all we both love, appreciate and honour of families. Secondly, we both want to be in a committed long term marriage, grow old together, hopefully have a child together and have our own kids meet one day. We both know many of the same people from downtown, we have different knowledge of them, sometimes similar knowledge, but we know them and respect them for who they are because we have gotten to know them as people. I can relate to his past life and experiences, no I haven't lived them but I've seen many people struggle with them over the years and I have always listened to what their experience is and shown them the kindness and understanding that they deserve because they people first and foremost.
I could probably go on and on with this but I wont. We need to take each day at a time as he is an addict and I am the partner of an addict. We have love, we have committment, we have common goals and we have understanding. We work on our relationship all the time, I may not be an addict but like most people, I need to work on my character defects too. Together we have become a strong force and we have found happiness against all odds. We have dreams for our future and many rest on the forgiveness of others for mistakes he has made. I only hope that others can realize how their actions, words and judgements impact the lives of those around them.

Firstly let me say I too hold my venti mild in hand each morning as I walk amongst the hustle and bustle of downtown. I am glad to see that you have an appreciation of where we can find love and of differences aren't always as significant as some of us think. On paper (or in this case on screen) I can see that one might see a similarity between myself and my partner and Ann and Dean, but believe me, it's extremely different. I will not judge their relationship or situation, I'll just say it is extremely different than mine and way different than I would ever choose to live my life. Like you say, there are many challenges, and like any situation, these challenges are always unique to your own life and experiences. I'm sure there are many others out there who are in similar relationships and have similar tales of finding love in strange places.