Not In My Lifetime

Sarah Palin is quite certain that Jesus will return to Earth during her lifetime. She considers this good news, as folks like her will be Raptured (naked, by the way) into heaven while the rest of us (including any Jews who don’t convert) will face the Tribulation—seriously crappy times, by any definition. Even worse than right now (I know!). Plus, we’ll be left (potentially) without an American VP. We won’t even have Sarah to kick around anymore. Crap!

But what if He’s already here? Would we know? Might He be spotted buying a new crown of thorns at Wal-Mart (a cheap Middle-Eastern import of course, made by eight-year olds)? Or grabbing a burger (‘Want that Supersized, Big Guy?’) After all, even Sons of God have to eat, if They can afford to. Signs that He could be back already? Well, not since He reputedly walked on water have the laws of physics temporarily been suspended, as they apparently were again on 9/11. You don’t think…? Well, who knows what to think? It’s twilight time. Up is down.

Then again, I’m sure Sarah knows that Jesus isn’t some white, English speaking Alaskan dude. Doesn’t she? Tell me Jesus doesn’t shoot moose, at least from helicopters!

So if He were (forgive me) foolish enough, after his past famous alleged reception, to actually want to (prematurely) return to this godforsaken world, wouldn’t he look (and sound) more, well, Palestinian? Well, talk about being in the wrong place at the wrong time! Again! And, perhaps knowing the torturous and murderous fate of so many Palestinians at the hands of genocidal Zionists, were He to slip for safety into Afghanistan or Iraq by mistake, it would be a biggest-time case of wrong time and place all over again. Strike three.