Am I Unemployable?

Gary is a tall man with a massive body to match his height. He sits beside me at the bar of The Eastside Grill in downtown Northampton, Massachusetts. It's the middle of summer, and what started as a chat with my girlfriend’s new boss has become my first job interview since college.

Gary, a former stand-up comic, now runs a carpet-cleaning business in the woods of Western Massachusetts. He drives a beat-up two-door Cadillac that survives on sheer willpower and a mile of duct tape. He’s a staunch Libertarian full of conspiracy theories, and isn’t shy about it. “Did you know UMass was created by a lesbian conspiracy designed to promote a liberal agenda?”

During the next hour, I'm bombarded by declarations that US currency is “military script” and the federal government the Nazi Party. For all his bombastic allegations, Gary manages to remain incredibly charming. He concludes every outlandish claim with, “Look it up online. It’s true,” and caps off the evening with, “The Internet proves all my falsehoods true.”

We step out to the parking lot, where he offers me a job updating his aging client database, stored on an even more ancient computer.

My employment for Gary ended abruptly, and though it was unique, I was glad to move on. At the time, I was optimistic about finding new employment. Northampton is full of employers looking to hire cheap young labor in the form of students and recent college graduates. It was time to hit the ground running.

Maybe it’ll happen today. Maybe I’ll get a call or an e-mail asking me to come in.

This thought has occupied my mind for most of the past nine months. That's how long it's been since my last steady job.

It wasn't long before I heard from someone willing to interview me.