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The Looniness Of The Long Distance Runner

Submitted by Paul Sullivan on June 9, 2008 | Comments (9)

What kind of sport are you?

The spectating kind, who lives and dies with the fortunes of your team, even if that team hasn’t won a championship since Casey went down swinging?

Or the participating kind, who invests blood, sweat and tears on the pursuit of your passion, even if it means middle-of-the-pack mediocrity?

It is possible to be both, but spectators and participants do seem to come from different planets, say Neptune and Uranus. I’ll leave it up to you to decide who’s from where.

I do know spectators have a tendency to look at participants with alarm and say things like “Whenever I have the urge to exercise, I lie down and the feeling goes away.”

Participants, on the other hand, look down their noses at spectators, dismissing them as couch potatoes or soccer hooligans, which isn’t fair because spectators put a lot of energy into their sport, making sure they’ve got the best snacks on hand, not to mention the appropriate big-screen technology.

Of course, participants are gear freaks too. They’ll squander thousands on carbon-fibre bicycles and ultra-tech running shoes, hoping for that nano-advantage that will get them an inch ahead of all the other lemmings in the middle of the pack.

Me, I’m an avid pursuant of both forms of futility. On the spectator front, let me run down my favorites, in order of devotion: The Dallas Cowboys (NFL), The LA Lakers (NBA), The Vancouver Canucks (NHL) and the New York Yankees (MLB). Yeah, I know, what a loser: three of the most hated names in sports, plus a perennial nonentity. But as all spectators know, it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. Your teams are your teams.

Right now, the rest of the world appears to following something called Euro2008, which is soccer, which seems to me like hockey played with a Nerf ball. But how can anyone who calls himself a fan of the Vancouver Canucks judge anyone else’s sporting devotions? Just one question, what kind of snacks do soccer fans require? Kippers?

Orato.com is teeming with coverage from devoted spectators. That I know anything at all about soccer is thanks to the efforts of Sir Stephen, who is single-handedly providing great coverage of Euro2008 and we have devoted fans such as Mike Small, and Michelle Kenneth, weighing on everything from the NBA to the NHL. Go Lakers!

As for my other form of futility, after years of valiantly putting one foot in front of other, I have still failed to qualify for the Boston Marathon. I mean to remedy that deficiency this year in the 26th running of the California International Marathon on December 7, 2008, in Sacramento, which I plan to complete in less than 3 hours, 45 minutes, and 59 seconds, thereby qualifying for the 2009 Boston Marathon.

I mean, really. What could be dumber than running 26 miles, when you could just get in the car, and depending on the traffic, get there in under half an hour? But as a veteran of 18-20 (I’ve sort of lost count) marathons, I have yet to experience the final futility—that last failure, which is surely to fail to qualify for the mother of all marathons, Boston.

But the thing about us weekend warriors is that we don’t listen to common sense. In fact, we don’t listen, period. We just keep on, many of us long after everyone else has gone home and they let the traffic back onto the streets… in hopes someone will run you down and end your misery. Yes, the world record is 2:04:26, which, while still not as fast as the bus, is almost twice as fast as 3:45. When the winner crosses the finish line at the state capital, I’ll still be halfway from Folsom, a long way from the finish.

But I’ll still be in the race, and I guess that’s what motivates all the “recreational” runners, cyclists, swimmers, triathletes, adult hockey leaguers, YMCA basketball leagues, racket enthusiasts, etc. etc. We’d rather be in the parade than wave and watch it go by. Although, I have to hand it to the spectators: your snacks are way better.

So stay tuned, and I’ll keep you updated on my quest to qualify for Boston. Not sure you care, but like all runners, I’m a maniac …blame it on the toxic side effects of the runner’s high.


Comments

Re: The Looniness Of The Long Distance Runner

By Michelle Kenneth, June 12, 2008 at 13:28

John,

You have me rolling in hysterics over all your replies to Paul.

Let me explain a few things about the passion of the sports fan...it's a collective ego. In order to understand the full definition of what a collective ego means, I highly recommend that you read Eckhart Tolle's "A New Earth." It's actually not a good thing to have a collective ego. A sports fan is almost the same as a person who loves a band so passionately, that they buy all their albums, watch all their videos, buy all their merchandise and books, go to their concerts, etc. A fan is a fan is a fan. They are all part of that collective ego in creating the egos within these individuals (professional athletes, politicians, celebrities, etc.) by making them into Gods and Heroes (when in reality, they are not of the sort...it's all in their heads - or egos for that matter).

So why should these celebs/athletes, etc. pay much mind to the common man that made them into a God? They are, after all, a God. (Please note sarcasm.)

I look at the game of hockey a little differently then most people. I think it's by divorcing myself from the collective ego that I obtain a better understanding of the game, as well as respect from the individuals in the game. If I see an overblown ego, believe me, I call them on it. Why? Because they are human, not Gods. I will not allow someone to stand there and take a Godlike status in front of me, without me reminding them that they are human beings. They respect you more when they know that you'd rather be real with them then worship them.

Because of the position I am in as a hockey columnist in the locker room, I am always a reporter first before I am a fan. Actually, scrap the whole fan thing. I don't have a favorite team, player, etc. I just have respect for why we are all there. The sport cannot function without the fan, the player, the reporter, the stadium, etc. This is what makes a sport a sport. Every element is needed. Everyone serves their own purpose. Each person respects the other for what they mean to each other. But I will say this...that collective ego acts like they own it all. That's still the ego talking, the reality is, they only own themselves (if even).

I am a lover of hockey, moreso than a fan. Hockey has defined a lot of what I do in life. It does not define me as an individual. Hockey is only an association to what I do in life. But it's because of all the fun I've been having doing what I do, the friendships I have formed, the opportunities that have been presented to me, you can't help but realize just how amazing that life has been for me. I don't think I'd have it any other way.

Also, the Olympics will be bringing in a lot of income from all over the world to Vancouver. I know that will be my first time in Vancouver. So all of those things that you say the money should go towards...sometimes in business you have to spend a little up front to net a profit. It's called investing in the future profit.

Re: The Looniness Of The Long Distance Runner

By johnhatch, June 12, 2008 at 15:30

Hi Michelle,
Thanks for your kind words and interesting insights into the nature of sport. While not a hockey (or sports) fan myself, it would be my loss to fail to recognize the exquisite gifts of a Gretzky, for example, or of many others (the goons I can do without. Don Cherry also).

I like your reference to the 'mass ego'. That's what it is of course, and that's the connection with organized religion, some political movements, cults, etc. (I'm not making judgements here, just trying to understand.) That explains why a sporting (or other) event can turn so quickly from enjoyment into a riot. Because a tempermental collective ego will have its way.

Also your reference to rabid rock fans. I once knew this kid who was so obsessed with Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young that he would hitch-hike around North America and attend every concert, no matter what he had to do. It struck me at the time that in his mind, he was CSN&Y. I guess the same obtains in sports. One is the player. One becomes the team. My problem is not in the beauty of the event, but the ability/willingness to surrender one's own ego, one's own being to the illusion. What the Canucks can inspire, so can sociopathic leaders, whether in cults or political parties.

I think you draw the distinction also. As a journalist it's your job to stand back, to remain seperate. You observe, rather than participate.

You sound like you're very good at what you do, and I applaud you.

Have a great visit to beautiful Vancouver for the Olympics. I'll wave to you from the Mobile Cave of Pillows as we pass each other on the road.

And I forgot to mention previously, my sincere best wishes to Paul regarding the Boston Marathon. Mental Dr. Scholl's are on the way, and a six-pack of Red Bull...

Re: The Looniness Of The Long Distance Runner

By Michelle Kenneth, June 13, 2008 at 09:44

I will admit that it took a couple of years before I could truly understand why the players in the game of hockey were so great. Luckily for me, I had the opportunity of watching one of the greats currently playing, Jaromir Jagr, during the best season of his career. I was there the night he broke the team's record for most goals in a season. It was an amazing experience being a witness to one of his finest moments in his career, as well as a historical moment for the New York Rangers.

Now, I take pride in the fact that I've watched current Vezina Trophy winner, Martin Brodeur, breaking every single NHL record set for goaltenders. In my eyes, Marty has some of the most amazing skills I've ever seen. He has made my mouth drop in amazement more times then any other athlete out there. He is just that good.

Realizing that I am witnessing first hand many historical moments in hockey makes me love the game so much more. The game becomes more personalized in my eyes. It's a memory that belongs to me, as well as to these great players (and about 15,000 fans - but most times, some of these fans have no clue what history is being made at that moment).

While training to play the game, I began to understand the dynamics of what it took to be a professional athlete. I was just happy that I could keep up with the current Rangers in the gym, but then again, this stuff was the easy stuff for them...I was just keeping pace (but boy, was I in a ton of pain for the next three days).

Then when you compare hockey to other sports, it takes more then just skill to hit a puck or pass it. You have to be able to do all those amazing things on ice skates. So not only do you have to have hockey skills, you have to have skating skills. I am still in awe that they can beat each other up on ice skates. ; )

About rock fanatics...my old boss used to follow the Grateful Dead everywhere. DEADHEADS. I think every single North American has experienced a DeadHead Community once in their life.

I am looking forward to coming to Vancouver in 2010. I don't know if I'll be covering the games from the press box (because who knows where I'll be or who I'll be writing for), but I sure am hoping that I will be there in the press box for a few games. If not, then I'll be down front taking photos. But after all the Olympics hoopla, I do plan to take in and absorb the scenic beauty of Vancouver (and take in a Canucks game). Maybe I'll finally go on that Alaskan cruise that departs from Vancouver.

: )

Re: The Looniness Of The Long Distance Runner

By Paul Sullivan, June 13, 2008 at 10:21

Hey, this is turning into a quality thread. Michelle..some of the most amazing things I have ever seen have been on the field of play...off the top of my head..Karl "The Mailman" Malone, taking a pass from John Stockton under the basket, almost horizontal, and dunking it from below...Bobby Hull, Anders Hedberg and Ulf Nilsson, the most exciting line in hockey, playing tic-tac-toe with the rest of the WHA, Jerry Rice catching 24 passes in a single game as a junior, etc. etc. Hard to argue with the awe inspired by these performances. Nonetheless, sports is ultimately trivial in the face of poverty, genocide, racism, the infinite variety of inhumanity. And you wonder why volunteering the bring medical attention to starving babies in Darfur is not celebrated with the same gusto as a goal. The best books I have ever read on the sources and roots of the human puzzle are The Denial of Death and Escape from Evil, by Ernest Becker, who has a professor at Berkeley and Simon Fraser (in Vancouver). He won the Pulitzer Prize for Denial of Death in 1974, the same year he died of cancer. There is a web site that's worth visiting if you're interested in learning more about this amazing thinker: www.ernestbecker.org

Paul Sullivan,
Editor-In-Chief

Re: The Looniness Of The Long Distance Runner

By johnhatch, June 11, 2008 at 14:54

I will post this and then retreat deep inside my dark cave of pillows, lest I am dispatched in a rain of javelins, shot-puts, pucks, footballs, and ski poles. And of course those especially deadly brickbats...or I could be tied to a luge and...and...

What kind of sport am I? I am a bad one. Even a terrible one. Ok, an execrable one. There. I said it.

Because not only do I refuse to participate or spectate, I won't even ambulate for a good cause. Mother Teresa herself couldn't pry me out of my cave and put me in a crowd. Not even with a bottle of generic Pepsi to maintain essential electrolytes, whatever they are.

I won't spectate (or expectorate- let's not go too far), but I do speculate, not that it gets me anywhere.

I just don't get it.

Why would someone pay for the privelige to become an insignificant mote in a howling mob veering back and forth between ecstasy and despair, rapture and riot depending on whether a puck or ball goes this way or that? Might there other perhaps quieter ways to celebrate the beauties of physics that don't involve $20 for parking and $9 for a cardboard hotdog (I am told)?

That my city is hosting the 2010 Olympics is not a matter of pride to me. In addition to even worse traffic gridlock, we can look forward to higher prices for everything and millions of Mounties on steroids just itiching (twitching!) to taser anything that moves (or maybe doesn't) including semi-innocent athletes.

Downtown, people are already being displaced from their shabby thirld-world 'homes', prices of everything including housing will skyrocket (even events tickets through unregulated scalping), the homeless will be in even greater peril from police and predators, and other horrors await. All this so we can breathlessly discover who can throw a spear the farthest (ok, I know it's the winter Olympics, subtitute snowballs) and win those multi-million endorsements. It's games, alright.

Meanwhile the Province is building attractive venues, athletes' villages and other infrastructure at breakneck speed (not that we hope anyone actually breaks their neck, we're not that mean), but so far has managed to seismically upgrade only a handful of decrepit elementary, middle and high schools, many turn of the century buildings that would collapse in even a moderate earthquake. There are games being played there too. Bread and circuses. Could you pass the bread, please?

Like I said, I don't get it. Some days after Canuck Todd Bertuzzi broke the neck (see? ) of an opposing player, a reporter went to his palatial home in West Vancouver to ask for a reaction to the affair. He was greeted from inside the door by an irate Bertuzzi who told him to 'Show some respect'. For what, exactly?

As for running, well to each his/her own. Of course I've heard of 'the wall' and 'breaking through the pain'. If you ask me, that's why we have doors and (generic) Tylenol. Not that I'm advocating the easy way, or over-the-counter drugs (well what the heck, I am, I admit it).

But I'll try anything once. In dreaded 2010 should you drive west observing the speed limit on Highway One toward Vancouver and the Summer Olympics, if you see a small unsportspeople-like coterie of geeks racing (sic) out of town, that'll be me and my entourage of trainers, strategists, agents, publicists, lawers and assistants. I'll be they guy in the motorhome at the rear- guzzling non-endorsement Pepsi. Generic, of course, with none of that wimpy Aspertame. I can take it...

Peace, and power to your pecs , abs, gluts, etc.

Re: The Looniness Of The Long Distance Runner

By Paul Sullivan, June 11, 2008 at 15:09

John, you have the makings of a world-class curmudgeon...are there snacks in the Cave of Pillows? (Is that like the Fortress of Solitude?) Snacks aside, you make some pretty good points. There is something about sport, be it spectatorial, gladiatorial or participator(ial?) that trumps good sense. I mean, consider the luge. The "athlete" lies flat on a sled, sheathed in space age plastic, (so all the bumps are showing), and then proceeds to pelt down the icy course at forces approaching 7 Gs. The "sliding center" to hold this event for the 2010 Olympics has cost somewhere near $100 million to build. But I think it has something to do with the Denial of Death, which explains the level of absurdity/desperation. Pass the nachos.

Paul Sullivan,
Editor-In-Chief

Re: The Looniness Of The Long Distance Runner

By johnhatch, June 11, 2008 at 17:04

Paul, well of course there are snacks in the cave of pillows. Even take-out. Unlike some things, curmudginity doesn't have to go without, you know, and shouldn't. The Cave is somewhat like the Fortress of Solitude, but closer to town, and we don't get those annoying 3 am phone calls to go and save some stupid sinking ship, or whatever. What do they think 9-11 is for?

I find it interesting that you mention mortality in relation to sports. Sports, especially of the large-crowd spectator variety seems to have a lot in common with organized religion, and that helps make sense of the phenomonon, although I find both hard to fathom in a rational sense, which is maybe the point I'm missing.

I certainly don't begrudge anything that makes people feel better (such as running or participation in sports), it's just the (manipulated) financial and social priorities when it comes to something as massive as the Olympics, which we are assured ad naseum will 'pay for themselves'. According to Einstein, repeating the same actions over and over while expecting a new outcome is a definition of insanity. I guess we're all a bit insane...

In terms of professional sports, couldn't owners and players give up just a tiny portion of their millions and millions so that kids could afford to see their loutish, prima-donna, filty rich, autograph-selling, tantrum-throwing 'heroes' in person? Too much to ask? Affirmative.

In the US millions go without health care, decent education, food, shelter, you name it, but money can always be found for a trillion dollar war or two, while Bush gives up golf as a sacrifice, then cheats by playing anyway, badly. Have you seen that swing? I know!

Oh well, Paul, nachos at eight. Earplugs optional...

Re: The Looniness Of The Long Distance Runner

By Paul Sullivan, June 10, 2008 at 09:37

Hi Mike. One day, grasshopper, you will transcend the pain. It happens when you least expect it, but one day you'll feel strong and fleet of foot ... just remember as you celebrate not to get run over by a bus.

Paul Sullivan,
Editor-In-Chief

Re: The Looniness Of The Long Distance Runner

By Mike Small, June 9, 2008 at 13:01

Paul,

I've been running 4 to 5 times a week for the last 3 weeks... and I still don't love it. Is there ever a time where I will actually look forward to running, as opposed to motivating myself through guilt?