The 'Ex-Factor'

The 'Ex-Factor'

Do ex's carry any responsibility after the end of the relationship for the feelings and well being of the other party? Does the end of the relationship mean the end of consideration? That rather depends on what was said at the time, in the throes of passion.

By Citizen Correspondent Darrell Goodliffe

Date Posted: 03/09/08

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Affairs of the heart are the most complicated phenomena known to mankind – forget Pythagoras theorem or astrophysics – the greatest minds have cogitated on love for centuries but are we really closer to understanding this thing which inspires so many great and dreadful acts? However, when it is all over, when one person is incongruously ‘dumped’ surely that is the end of it all? We are sold the dream of the single life as an uncomplicated one, a pure freedom however, the heartache doesn’t usually end there.

Wide and Far

I now have 6 ex’s, four in Britain and two in New Zealand. No snide comments about sowing my oats wide and far at the back please! I don’t speak to my first ex, something that probably suits both of us. I should have dumped her sooner than I did. The relationship wasn't working and was only prolonged in it's agony by me trying to square the circle of wanting out but not wanting to hurt anybody. This is a dilemma we all face at one time; remembering the duel-sided nature of cruelty and kindness is essential at these times. If you forget, lo and behold you end up doing the opposite in practice of what you intend in theory.

When it comes to the intricacies of the 'ex-factor' the question of who dumps who is a crucial one. Think about it, it is common sense; rejection and the feelings stirred by that are harder to deal with than deciding whether or not to wield the axe. If you are dumper, sure you might be disappointed but ultimately it wasn’t what you wanted. You may experience a pang of remorse or regret, but in reality you are glad its not you left wondering why and feeling completely inadequate. So, being on the ball in the relationship is crucial. If you grin and bear an obviously impossible situation or fail to read between the lines of your partners’ feelings then you will probably end up in the rag doll ‘Reject’ bin.

Having sorted out the wherefores the next most crucial question is why? I have been rejected on grounds that were so spurious that I can't even remember what they were now.