The Stress Of Waiting For A Verdict

It’s been such a long wait since the jury started deliberations. Restlessness fills the corridor of family and friends, especially now that we can’t play games, do knitting or puzzles; we don’t know what to do with ourselves.

Families are going home because of other commitments, which is unfortunate. The anticipation of the verdict is stressing nerves. I’m only a concerned citizen wanting justice for the innocent lives that were stolen. I can’t imagine what the families are going through right now if I’m this anxious.

The sheriffs have been extremely patient while keeping everyone in order and as comfortable as possible. They have been excellent and courteous with me now that I'm in a wheelchair. They have made sure I’ve received my media pass when I was in too much pain to make it up the stairs of the media workroom. They tried to make sure I got into the main courtroom 102, which I appreciated.

During these past 10 months we’ve gotten to know each other quite well and their personalities lessen the stress of having to listening to all the gory details. As drug use was discussed, there were times when I could taste the cocaine in my mouth as I did while I was using it. Remembering the body rush it gave me with my first high of the day.

As Lynn Ellingsen mentioned, it’s the first high that we lived for. I had using dreams, or nightmares I should say. However, listening to the testimonies of the drug-addicted witnesses kept me in the moment of recovery. It reminded me why I never want to be that evil twin that lurks within, waiting for me to slip and fall off the wagon.