And It Happened Like This...

The engineer, er, writer in his domain.

Where did such insipid drivel like "My Bad" come from, anyway? Probably from someone very much like the psychotropically-altered, 420 friendly chauffeur from the morning commute.

By Citizen Correspondent B C

Date Posted: 10/31/07

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In the usually convoluted world that is the music biz, real life is often more entertaining behind the scenes than on stage or in front of the cameras. Within the constraints of this column, let me pull back some of those curtains and share personal glimpes into that world.

And it happened like this...

I rush about in my too-early-in-the-morning haze, doing a last minute rundown of a mental checklist:

• Wallet - check
• Laptop - check
• Session notes, producer contact info, and artist background advisory - check

Ok...what am I forgetting? Uh...too early in the morning for thi -

OH, YEAH! WAIT! WHERE ARE THEY?

• COFFEE & ILOK KEYS! - CHECK!

8:45 am - time to head out the door to the driver, who is waiting...

uh..hang on...

HURRY UP AND WAIT FOR AN ADDITIONAL 45 MINUTES, WONDERING WHERE THE HECK THE DRIVER IS!

FINALLY! Driver (long haired, over-caffeinated, under-paid, dubiously-motivated slacker of a studio intern) picks me up and immediately launches in to an existential dissection of the history of Los Angeles traffic.

Oh, joy... just get me to the studio, and I will be happy...maybe.

The ride is not quite what I had hoped for. Abrupt stop. Abrupt start. Repeat ad nauseam. Nothing like hot coffee on one's leg to pry the eyes open!

I am trapped in a real-world replay of the most recent Baja 1000, only this time it is through the streets, alleys and freeways of Los Angeles. This is a death cab from hell, and we zig and zag, bob and weave, and scream, cuss, and honk our way through the insane mess that is morning drive-time traffic in SoCal. I swear that intern has horns out the sides of his head and smoke coming out his ears...

WAIT, HE DOES HAVE SMOKE COMING OUT HIS EARS!

No...wait. Check that. He has a JOINT STUFFED BEHIND HIS RIGHT EAR!!!

A joint that is lit and almost burned down enough to need a roach clip! A joint that is no doubt the reason for this mad rush into Hell!