The Foundation Of Relationship-Respecting The Other

It is probably true to say that if there is no mutual respect in a relationship there is no relationship. If respect is absent it usually means that at best a subtle animosity is present or at worst, hatred prevails. Or is there a neutral position in which there is neither respect nor disrespect. Unlikely, as our respect for others is directly connected to our respect for ourselves, and seldom are we neutral about ourselves.

Without doubt the foundation of relationship is respect. But what does it mean to respect someone? Is respect a given or something that has to be earned? Can someone lose your respect, and if so what do they have to do to make you withdraw your respect? It is not an exchangeable 'item' though we often talk as if it is, "I gave him a lot of respect and he gave me respect back".

Throughout history respect has become embodied in many symbolic forms. In some cultures we are taught to symbolize our respect with a gift given as soon as we meet. In other cultures it's customary to bow, or to salute if you're in the military, or if you are a child then to listen attentively to the all knowing font of wisdom that is the parent is the respectful thing to do! We start a letter with 'dear', a mark of respect. And in some countries titles are bestowed on those perceived to be worthy of an even greater respect.

Unfortunately many of us learn the wrong lessons about respect in our school playground. Whether we were being bullied or the one doing the bullying, there were moments when we perversely learned that respect equals fear.