I Walked Into The Door Again

Loneliness was tough

"i'll give you something to cry about, Wipe that look off your face or i'll wipe it off for you"

By Citizen Correspondent Luka Magnotta

Date Posted: 05/21/07

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My name is Luka Magnotta. My brother,sister and I lead a fairly happy life. I had very loving maternal grandparants and they took care of me better then any parant ever could. My own parants always had a lot of problems. I was happy though, until age 13. My parants had recently divorced, my father had alot of addiction problems to alcohol and drugs and was hospitalized. My mother was always a good-hearted person; she was just lost. She found a boyfriend and quickly tried to pass this "man" off as our father. He very swiftly manipulated her and started to control her. I first remember moving out of my grandparants home and into the apartment my mother rented with him. I was laying in bed and it was morning, I told my mother I didn't want to get up to go to school. Next thing I know, I was dragged out of bed, I remember the feeling I experienced when I saw him put his fist to my face and watched the veins pop out of his druken face. I was petrified; he through me into the wall and I noticed my flawless face had blood dripping from my nose. I was horrified. My mother quietly came in and told me to get ready for school.

I was a 13-year-old boy and I could not believe this alcoholic and convicted criminal was living with us and my mother allowed this to happen.

She could have easily have asked him to leave, but never did and that's the question I always wonder: why? How would she live with such fear and unhappiness? How could she live with a man who abused her children? My little sister was eight years old and I remember her going to the kitchen before suppertime. She had a pink dress, blond hair and a red bow in it. The cutest. He came storming in and I never saw a child so scared in my life. He literally kicked her in the behind repeatedly until she fell and couldn't walk.

I felt so guilty for not being able to do anything. I did call the childrens aid society and police on many occasions but my mother and him manipulated them into believing us children were bad kids. The security guard in our building befriended me and knew what was going on but he ended up sexually assulting me and so i felt so helpless. I was told over and over agian that "if I told I would be leaving that apartment in a body bag."

For the next few months, I went from being popular in school, to being a reject and an outcast. I became so withdrawn. I told friends and they promised never to tell. I just wanted it to stop and I cried and criend and wished every night for it to stop...why would my mother allow this monster to harm her babies? WHY? THe beatings, getting thrown into the wall, the punches the emotional and mental abuse were worse then the bruises.